did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
