I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He did a backflip because drugs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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