Banned from zoo.
Again?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
