Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
