There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
