He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
