May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
