R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i came on her dog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
