You smell like stripper and shame
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
