I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
