Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
