I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
