This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
