strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
