why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
