The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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