I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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