Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
