WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
