I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
