I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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