I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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