cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
