I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
