Got a toothbrush?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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