Hey man sorry I got all grabby
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
