I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
