"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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