My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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