I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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