Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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