I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
