What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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