its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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