I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
