I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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