Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
