They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
