Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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