Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
