Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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