If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't deserve a penis
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
