youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize