I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
