clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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