I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
