woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
