yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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