i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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