I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
