Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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