So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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