i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
