My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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