is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
