It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
