Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
