i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
