I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
