Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You're like the curious george of whores
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
