So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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