I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
