So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
