i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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