It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
