Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
