Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I need help removing her.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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