oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
