Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
