whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
