It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
