i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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