I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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